This story was originally published on my vet school blog, “Wet Cleanup on Aisle 5.”
I have the beginnings of a cold, and it is only the 8th day of class. ARG! Worse yet, I don’t think I’m the first one from our class to be out due to illness. A warning to future students: vet school hits you hard, and fast!
I started feeling icky a few days ago, but didn’t start feeling really yucky until yesterday afternoon. And then I felt a smidge better yesterday evening, and I thought, “Tomorrow’s only four hours of class–I can go, and then sleep, right?”
But then the little birdie’s voice said, “If you’re sick, stay home.”
Why is it that I have such a problem staying home when I’m sick? Thirty years ago, I would have given up my lunch money to stay home from school. I get really annoyed when other people come to school sick, so why do I have a problem staying home?
I mean, here my body is screaming, “Hellooooooo, idiot! I feel crappy! Stay home now or you’ll be sorry later!” But my head is thinking, “Well, I don’t feel that sick. I probably shouldn’t stay home. But if I do stay home, I should at least study all day.”
And then I feel guilty if I don’t study all day. (Meanwhile, the body is smacking hand to forehead.)
Why can’t I just be sick and sleep all day and watch movies and drink orange juice and eat chicken soup and not feel guilty about the whole thing? I’ve decided it must be a Type A overachiever thing, so, to help all you other Type A overachievers out there, I have assembled this handy guide:
The Type A Overachiever’s Guide to Determining Whether You are Sick Enough to Stay Home from Work/School
1) Do you feel crappy?
If you answered ‘yes,’ proceed to question 2.
2) Are you contagious?
If you answered ‘yes,’ stay home.
All other answers, including ‘I don’t know,’ proceed to question 3.
3) Which of the following symptoms do you have? Check all that apply:
__ After you take a nap, you are alert, awake, and ready… for a nap.
__ Sore throat
__ Foggy thinking, e.g., you are walking to the kitchen and hear beeping. You think to yourself, “Wait, we don’t have a microwave.” Never mind that you do have a kitchen timer, one that you have used thousands of times and know well.
__ Stuffy head
__Things you would ordinarily do to goof off feel like too much work, e.g., “Sudoku? That’s so… hard…”
__ Achiness
__ You waste time doing things you would never do when well, e.g., you don’t ever watch TV, but you watched an entire episode of ‘Glee’ online before 8 a.m. and then took a 3-hour nap. Prior to that, you weren’t even sure what ‘Glee’ was.
__ Upset stomach
__ Simple tasks take 3-4 times longer than normal, and may require great mental effort, e.g., you have to dictate aloud to yourself the steps involved in preparing dinner for your cats. “Okay, bowls out of cupboard. No, two bowls, dummy, you have two cats. Now open the fridge…”
__ Craving for Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup
__ Your thermostat is off, e.g., it is well above 70 degrees in your house, yet you are wearing a poofy fleece sweater, sitting in a sunbeam, and shivering.
__ Facebook status updates read like Moby Dick
If you checked one or more of the above, stay home.
If you checked one or more of the above and still think you should go to school/work, you are a Type A overachiever. Or a moron. Or both.
